Rebuilding the trust

I know my blog lately has been a bit off topic but this is part of the process of becoming a better me. I sure as heck don't want my blog to be all about failed diet attempts and exercises that make me want to vomit. :) No I want this blog to be about how I grow to understand what God wants me to do with my life. God's always is in control and I forget that a lot and he has a way of reminding me to stop and listen and take in and know him better.
Today I was expecting my sister Mollie to show up at the twelve o'clock service well.....I was let down almost crushed but then as I sat and listen to Pastor Roy give us the message it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't put my faith in other people or even myself for that matter because I will constantly be let down only God is who I should trust. Not only that but I haven't reestablished a bond with my sister we've only talked on the phone so far. So meeting at the church after everything that she has been thru might be asking too much of her. Right now she is damaged goods she's hurting and trying to get her head on straight.
 I was shocked to hear what she's been thru in the last eleven years. At age 15 she was sexually assaulted on a school bus after the incedent she dropped out of school she never told anyone what happened exactly and I wasn't going to make her tell me unless she wanted too. She also ran away from home. My Dad pretty much threw her out. She met her husband who is a few years older than her and had a baby at 17. His name is Andrew and from the phone calls I can tell you he is a handful of a two year old.
Our phone conversation shifted then to our father and all the stupid mistakes he has made and the lies and abuse he has inflicted on the family with his excessive drinking. I told Mollie that I forgave him along time ago but he doesn't want to talk with me. I told her the fight we had was so long ago I couldn't remember everything that was said but they were hurtful and degradeing things. I had my reasons for leaving I had never cried so hard in all my life. I was shattered by him over and over again and there is only so many times you can glue pieces back together before they turn to dust. She then told me about how our father is using her mother and living for free in her house up in Fountain. To this day I will never understand why my stepmother put up with all his crap and still does. Enough is enough and apparently soon very soon my father will be homeless. His drinking has gotten worse and his drug usage. All his money goes to fuel his habits by the middle of the month he has nothing left to pay the bills with. Why can't he see that he's killing himself along with his loved ones. It tears me up inside to think of how he is living. And he thinks there is nothing wrong with the way he lives. I pray everyday for God to help him to help this family.
By the end of the conversation on the phone I couldn't see because I had cried my contacts out of my eyes. She invited me to her little boys 2nd birthday party on Saturday the 26th at Frank Brown Park. When I told her there was no way I could make it due to work she started to think of ways that I could still make his party. She wants me there so badly she's willing to have it somewhere else completely. I told her not to go to all the trouble but she insisted. I'm a little weary of the party mainly because my father most likely will be there and he will be drunk I don't know if I'm strong enough yet to face him. I need lots of prayers as I continue this journey to rebuilding trust. Just put it this way I would rather stand naked in front of a crowd of people with poisonous snakes than be in a room with my Dad. This is so hard. I thank everyone as always for reading my blog and praying for me thru this.

God is truely amazing!

Wow what an awesome day. It was rainy and yucky and people were constantly complaining about the price of milk but I took it with a grain of salt. Then I went to lunch and was putting down my badge when one of my fellow associates asked me if I had a sister named Mollie. I froze like a deer in headlights bad images came into my head. The last I had heard she was married and living with a forty year old man and had a kid. I didn't know her married name and had absolutely no way of contacting her. I knew she had dropped out of school but no one in the family knew where she was.
Now I have to fill some of you in on my past with my dad because it is bad. In 2001 I married and everything with my dad was great well our relationship was rocky but had always been that way. My grandmother had passed away and he wasn't taking it very well. My father is an alcoholic drug abuser. I went to visit him at his house and we had an arguement and I told him he needed help and that pissed him off. Our conversation was so off base I can't remember all the details but he started screaming at me and I feared he would hit me. I remember my last words were when you grow up and get the help you need you know where to find me. We haven't spoken since my sister was 11 years old.
 For these past years I have kicked myself for not being there for her. She had to grow up in a disfuctional household where both parents were drug addicts. My Mom had help leaving my Dad but her Mother didn't she stayed with him and got beaten in front of her own daughter. Mollie was abused.
Now Mollie is a mom apparently her sons birthday is this weekend. I haven't gotten to talk with her yet. The associate I work with goes to class with her on Wednesday nights off of Grace Ave. It's a class for battered women. My heart sank when I heard that. Mollie was falling in her mothers foot steps. Tonight I'm writing a letter for my friend from work to give to her at her Wednesday night meeting. Mollie asked about me so I know she wants to be a part of my life just as much as I want to be a part of hers. I thank God that I can be that rock she needs. I am so excited to be her big sister again this time I'm not leaving. Pray for us this is going to be a long weekend. Is it Wednesday yet?