Well it has been a crazy week. I had my HSG yesterday it went better than I had hoped for. The fact : my tubes are still not fully open as much as they should be which still complicates things. But BOTH are open now!!!!!!! When Dr. Ramie told me the other tube the one that was so scared is open I felt God in the room. Let me tell ya holding this in for the last day has been rough. I wanted to tell everyone the moment I found out but I have been planning my blog. I wanted to share it with those that actually read my ramblings. When I was waiting for Dr. Ramie to arrive I was sitting on the hospital bed in the neatest gown it had a heater in it. I wanted to take it home with me. I love to be warm and cozy. I had my moment of prayer. I asked God to do what he needed to do. It's all in his hands. I am honestly terrified of doing IVF not just for the cost but the emotional strain. I am already a basket case and this is just the beginning. I keep asking for guidance and Chris doesn't want to go IVF he is afraid of it too. Most our conversation about it end with me crying so hard he can't talk to me. This is tearing me up just to write this. I pray that the RE likes what he sees and we can do IUI instead of IVF. For those that don't know what IUI is it's artificial insemination. They take his best multiple collections of sperm and injected it into me at the right time of ovulation. Then we wait and hopefully a baby is born. This route is covered under insurance. IVF isn't and involves lots of surgeries to remove the eggs put them back and I would have to have my tubes tied off. It's not guaranteed to work on the first cycle.
Then there is this part of me that wants a baby no matter what. That side would climb mountains ,sell everything ,even lose weight to gain a healthy baby.
People keep mentioning adoption. It's not for me I can't bond with someone else's child. I want my own. I want the morning sickness, the weird cravings, the huge ankles, people rubbing my belly. I want it so bad! So I know you mean well but don't ever suggest adoption to a woman who is going through infertility. It just upsets her more than you may realize. Support her by praying and being that hug she needs when things upset her. Listen when she needs to talk. Those are just a few things that I need lots of right now. Maybe I am asking too much and I am sorry but until you go through it you have no idea how it feels. I have to keep a positive look on this or I will crumble. This journey has the ability to ruin me but I won't let it. Sorry I just got a bit too real. I do thank you all for continued prayer. I know soon we will have good news. I just know it !!!thank you love you all.
