This is the hardest blog I have written. I wish I could say I have the best news ever but that ended Sunday morning. God had other plans. I miscarried it was quick I was only pregnant that I knew of for two days. Two wonderful days. I had no energy I didn't feel like myself and I was posting it all on Facebook and I just thought I was tired from all the emotional and financial decisions that my husband and I needed to make.
I keep remembering the visit with the Dr. now when asked if I had ever been pregnant I said no. It was the truth to think as I sat there I was pregnant. The weird feeling in the waiting room was my baby's cells being divided. The knots in my stomach were my body responding to the pregnancy.
I have cried and it still upsets me. I just have to pray the next time it sticks and is healthy.
Knowing my tube isn't blocked is one happy thought. I can get pregnant! This isn't the end of my story. This is just the beginning. I can't wait to start trying again.
I have another appointment to see my Dr. It's on the 18th. I have plenty of things to ask him and pray I don't need medication to carry a baby full term. I pray this next cycle is the one. I want to be pregnant before the new year. Silly goal but I have the most awesome prayer team. You know who you are. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. I would be a total basket case without you. Well I will keep you updated but hopefully my next blog will bring wonderful news. Love you all.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
Just so draining.....
This Wednesday we met dr. Koulianos. He was a pleasant Dr. Very easy to understand. All nesessary things I look for in a dr. But waiting in the waiting room was pure hell. There were other couples besides us waiting to see the dr. The difference in us was the wife was the husbands age. They talked to each other in hushed voices. I kept rubbing Chris's arm showing affection to make him feel less uncomfortable. To make matters worse I made Chris dress up for this appointment and this caused a fight. The whole drive down to Gulf Breeze was miserable. I just wanted him to look nice. He just wanted to wear a Mickey Mouse tee shirt and jeans. In the meeting we found out both of us have issues and that human reproduction is designed poorly. Meaning if you can't pay taxes and sell cocaine you have lots of babies but if you pay taxes and can afford kids you have troubles attaining them.
He went on to talk about the first course of action which sounded really weird. I didn't know you could freeze sperm and eggs. It seems so Si-fi. They would put Chris on special supplements to make his sperm form correctly. He would donated several times. They go and separate out all the good sperm from the bad sperm freeze it and then when I am ovulating they would insert it in my uterus. This is artificial insemenation. This is the less $$$$$$ route. But first we have to buy supplements wait two months then do another sperm analyst. I have to have two test done. The first is an HSG I just had this done in July. That's where they take iodine shoot it up into the uterus into the tubes to see if they are blocked. If they are blocked I have to have another surgery to remove them. The scar tissue inside the tubes can affect the egg for IVF. Apparently scar tissue has its own hormones it produces it's science I don't get. All I see is more holes in me and more pain and more depression knowing this will be my only way of getting pregnant. I won't be able to get pregnant naturally. But before those test I need to have my egg count done. I may not have any eggs left. Or I may have very few left. That I think is impossible. I look at both my grandmothers who both had twins who both had late pregnancy in life. I don't think this is an issue but I'm not a dr. I won't know till it is done.
I have a lot to think about. The average cost of an IVF cycle is $8,000.00. This is a huge expense. I
know it
is worth it but if I do this I don't think I can stay home and take care of my baby. I would have no choice but to work to pay off the overall cost of having it. My bills are already over $10,000 and that's for my first surgery which issuance paid. Ugh......just pray for me pray for piece of mind. I need to know I am choosing the right choice for Chris and I. I think buying a house was easier than this just saying. Also please pray for my mom she was just admitted to the hospital. She took a spill on her crutches about a week and a half ago but wouldn't go to the hospital and finally my brother while taking her to her foot dr to have a new cast put on her foot she went. They did the x-rays and her #75 vertebrae is fractured and compressed on top of each other. With her foot they admitted her to the hospital. My mind has been everywhere this week and I just need some sleep so pray for her and pray for me to get some good sleep. I was told today I look sick because my dark circles under my eyes are so black and the veins in my eyes are so red. I was like thanks for telling me I look bad if you had this much on your mind you would be tired too. Till the next update love you all.
He went on to talk about the first course of action which sounded really weird. I didn't know you could freeze sperm and eggs. It seems so Si-fi. They would put Chris on special supplements to make his sperm form correctly. He would donated several times. They go and separate out all the good sperm from the bad sperm freeze it and then when I am ovulating they would insert it in my uterus. This is artificial insemenation. This is the less $$$$$$ route. But first we have to buy supplements wait two months then do another sperm analyst. I have to have two test done. The first is an HSG I just had this done in July. That's where they take iodine shoot it up into the uterus into the tubes to see if they are blocked. If they are blocked I have to have another surgery to remove them. The scar tissue inside the tubes can affect the egg for IVF. Apparently scar tissue has its own hormones it produces it's science I don't get. All I see is more holes in me and more pain and more depression knowing this will be my only way of getting pregnant. I won't be able to get pregnant naturally. But before those test I need to have my egg count done. I may not have any eggs left. Or I may have very few left. That I think is impossible. I look at both my grandmothers who both had twins who both had late pregnancy in life. I don't think this is an issue but I'm not a dr. I won't know till it is done.
I have a lot to think about. The average cost of an IVF cycle is $8,000.00. This is a huge expense. I
know it
is worth it but if I do this I don't think I can stay home and take care of my baby. I would have no choice but to work to pay off the overall cost of having it. My bills are already over $10,000 and that's for my first surgery which issuance paid. Ugh......just pray for me pray for piece of mind. I need to know I am choosing the right choice for Chris and I. I think buying a house was easier than this just saying. Also please pray for my mom she was just admitted to the hospital. She took a spill on her crutches about a week and a half ago but wouldn't go to the hospital and finally my brother while taking her to her foot dr to have a new cast put on her foot she went. They did the x-rays and her #75 vertebrae is fractured and compressed on top of each other. With her foot they admitted her to the hospital. My mind has been everywhere this week and I just need some sleep so pray for her and pray for me to get some good sleep. I was told today I look sick because my dark circles under my eyes are so black and the veins in my eyes are so red. I was like thanks for telling me I look bad if you had this much on your mind you would be tired too. Till the next update love you all.
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