Loose in my caboose.

Yep my butt is disappearing. Last week was a bad week. I now understand why my Dr. is keeping me on Metformin. I am NOT diabetic by any means. I have a fasting blood sugar of 80 that is normal. What I do have a problem with is fat. Our pancreas is what makes fat. So by taking Metformin my pancreas is getting a nice break. And with the diet I am on it is really getting a nice vacation actually. So the Metformin is a diet aid. :) I stressed out about it so much I raised my blood pressure. That the Dr. was not happy about and I am working harder to not get upset over stupid stuff. Unfortunately if I can worry about it I will. It's in my nature. It's something I am working hard to stop doing.

But enough stress talk lets talk about Monday. Five pounds down 1/2 inch in my boobs 1/2 inch in my waist and 1/2 in my thigh. Arms still the same they are going to be the hardest to get rid of. That means............DRUM ROLL PLEASE 49 pounds LOST!!!! That being said I am now officially at the half way point. 57 more pounds to go to reach 150 pounds. I am planning on visiting my mom in April and I am going to be my goal weight by then come hell or high water!!!! No cheating allowed this coming week is going to be rough. But I have will power. Tomorrow night I plan on making a coconut cake and not eatting it. Which is hard since I have never attempted this recipe and I like to try them out before serving them. So to my family I hope the cake tastes good. I found the recipe on pinterest so I really hope it is a home run and not a knock out. :)

Also today I bought a pair of 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay I am excited but I haven't tried them on yet but I am almost sure that they will fit and on the same note all my old clothes are still to be gone thru. I am lazy. Well that and for some reason I still think of myself as large. Like I am going to fall backwards. That and I love my clothes. I have very pretty clothes and spent a good bit of money on them. It's hard to say goodbye to the old me. I know clothes don't define me but it's hard to say goodbye to what you are comfortable in. So with that being said I probably need to go thru those clothes after church Sunday. No excuses and you can hold me to it! :) Merry Christmas everybody love ya!!! <3

Not the news I was looking for :(

Well last week I had my blood work done and I was truely hoping and praying that I wouldn't have to take the metformin I am on any longer. That I could just go back to being healthy without taking pills to make me that way. BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am having a difficult time reminding myself that my appointment didn't go that bad. I mean it did and it didn't first off I gained two pounds :-/ still not sure exactly how that happened so I am blaming it on my period oh and Chris lol. No really it's his fault he was pissed that I didn't have a bowl of his chilli he made especially for me I tried to tell him I can't have tomato sauce but he only heard half of what I said. He figured since it didn't have beans I could eat it. Then he got quite pissed when I told him after he had made a huge pot of it that I still couldn't eat it. So I had a bowl! Just to make him happy. Then we went over to see his grandmother whos 80th birthday was yesterday and I had a bite of pineapple cake. I mean a tiny bite. But I will admit eariler in the week I had cheese wrapped in Prosciutto my weakness. But other than those I was an angel. Dr. Lubin she couldn't say how happy she was that my numbers have improved. Everything is fabulous. I asked her then why am I still having to take metformin and she said until I reach my goal weight I need to stay on metformin. It is actually helping me lose weight by giving my pancreas a needed break. I then asked her if this means I am diabetic and she said no I am not diabetic but if I continued on the path I was taking by being so fat and eatting incorrectly I would most certainly be a diabetic. Metformin is helping me burn fat by fixing my metabolic problems. She then told me I should take advantage of the medical services available to me. Apparently I get a free foot exam and eye exam in my preventative care. :( I don't want to go back to the foot dr. I don't have feet problems anymore and my eyes are just fine. UGH......for not being diabetic she sure made me feel like I am.
Well I got reemed by Jennifer for gaining two pounds and had to do another ketones test and I was completely negative which isn't good. I somehow also got bigger in my legs by over an inch. I tried to tell her I have been doing a lot of running on the treadmill but she said it was because I am holding water from eating carbs.  I left the Dr. office today feeling defeated and let down. All my hard work for nothing. So instead of just going home and suffering alone with my dogs I decided to spend the day with my mother in law. It was the best thing I could've done. We laughed we cried we shopped till I just about dropped. We had a heart to heart conversation in the car on the way to Destin one that I think we both really needed. With all the stress of family and work pileing on top of us it felt good to talk about it all. Now I know a lot of you are thinking oh no don't quit Eve you're doing so good. I am not quitting. I am going to continue I have a goal of 100 Lbs by the end of March and I am going to do it. I am almost to my half way point. So I had a little set back. This just means I have to work even harder. I know I can do it look how far I have come.

My lucky number is 7!

Wow is all I can say after having a horrible week of me beating myself up. Apparently in that beating I burned some fat. To be exact 7 POUNDS! I lost 3 INCHES!!! WOO HOO go me go me!!! I stuck to my diet and found out a combination of cheese and creamer were my problem. Needless to say who wants some flavored creamer cups I have half a box left its almond joy flavor they are awesome and have 6 carbs in each tiny cup!!! Seriously 6 carbs in that ity bity little cup!!! The cheese was me slightly cheating. I can only have 1 ounce of milk a day that includes cheese. I know it isn't much and that's because it is loaded with fat. I get my calcium from my supplements I take every morning. So no creamer in my coffee bummer :(

On another happy note this week is Thanksgiving. One of the hardest weeks. Think of me when you enjoy your sweet potatoes, dinner rolls, and pie. I will be having Turkey and Ham and salad with califlower mashed with mushroom soup gravy, Zuccuni and that's about it. I won't starve I won't feel like I ate too much I won't fall asleep or go into a coma from eatting all the sugar and fat that you will be eatting. This makes me happy it really does. I am proud of my progress.

Let's review: Beginning weight 256 LBS. Weigh in today 217LBS. That's a totally of 39LBS!!!!
Almost 40LBS LOST and it shows in my butt none of my clothes fit. I raided my closet going through all my old clothes making a box to bring to Walmart for my peeps that need work clothes. I had old clothes that I bought or had shrunk that I hadn't thrown out yet. I jokingly tired them on and they fit. They fit nicely so I wore my old favorite shirt to church. Today I wore my other shirt which is black with my black shorts that have a draw string. The shorts don't fit me they are so baggy but the shirt hid that kind of :) I feel better and can't let little hiccups affect me. I thank everyone that has been praying for me. Without your support and love I wouldn't be able to accomplish this. To think in a month I won't weigh in in the 200s wow is all I can say wow! Until next time Happy Thanksgiving everyone LOVE YA!!!!

I NEED HELP!!!!

I love to look back at my old post and see how hopeless I was by myself. God has a funny way of making us see that we truely aren't in this alone. He never meant for us to be that's why everyone has problems. Mine was and it truely still is asking for help. I wish I would've done more of it in school. I am very smart when things are explained to me so that I can understand them. I was terrified of math but if it was explained to me and broken down bit by bit I usually could figure it out. I guess I just feel like I am wasting peoples time or something. I don't want to interupt them with my silly question. Well guess what I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep this diet is a group effort. I can't do it alone and I need support and lots of it. I feel like I am being selfish but I know that I am not. I need prayers I need I need :) I had a horrible week last week and started to think maybe I should just quit this diet. It costs alot and I can't go out to eat I can't have Thanksgiving dinner like I want too. What's the point! This isn't just about me getting pregnant this is about me getting healthy and off this medication. I don't want to be a diabetic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to be sick and tired all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to feel better about me and feel better inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just because I want but I need too. God wants it for me and he knows I can do it. So why am I thinking I can't? 

So I am taking a long look at my whole self. Sometimes we have to refocus on our goals to meet them. My goal weight is 150 pounds. I started off at 256 pounds now I am at 223 pounds. I have 73 pounds too lose. So who wants to help me lose 73 pounds??? I can't afford to have another bad week like I had last week. I need prayers I go back to the Dr. on the 2nd of December. I am praying I am taken off my metformin and the only pills I take are my vitamins. I want to thank you as always for reading my blog and thank you for being such great friends. I truely couldn't do this without you.

Core! I'd rather have a smore!

Wow what a day! I hurt all over well mainly in my core muscle also known as the muscles I didn't know I had. Chris and I went to the gym and met with his personal trainer. I got to work out with them and I thought I didn't do much boy was I wrong. As I continue to unwind I am hurting more and more. Chris had a harder workout than I did. He had to do pull ups lots of pull ups. Just watching him made me tired. I would've tried to do some but honestly I knew I couldn't even do one. I know bad Eve I gave up before I even tried but I was more afraid of hurting myself.

Of course before we went to the gym I went to my weigh in. I lost another three pounds! I now weigh 228 Lbs! I lost another 2 inches in my waist another inch in my arms chest still same lol :) legs are down another inch. The fat is just melting off. I look at my face in the mirror and I am finally seeing what everyone else is seeing. My double chin is almost completely gone. If anyone is interested in my diet its called Ideal Protein. www.idealprotein.com  My nutrionist/personal trainer is Jennifer Ashby www.thefitdevil.com You won't be sorry.

Well....I am worn out literally and will sleep really well tonight. Thank you everyone that reads my blog you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Till next weigh in take care!

Ice cream you scream we all scream for icecream.....

I was supposed to write a blog last week and really I am supposed to write this one after my weigh it but I felt like if I didn't get all this stuff out of my head and written or rather typed I would forget it. Sooooo.....bare with me as I tell you all the great things going on.

First I am struggling and certain people are trying to sway me to cheat. I can't cheat at all and let me tell you it hurts. I have had so many attacks from Satan these last two weeks I have lost friends. Friends who I was already having issues with. I am hurt about it but I can't take negative people in my life right now I need encouragement. Sad thing is I don't think they even care. That hurts me the most. Now don't think I did this lightly because it tore me up inside I love this person but they couldn't see that I have changed and that I am trying to make more changes. I want to be the person God intended for me to be and I need everyones help to do that!

So last week my weigh in I was down another 3 pounds! I didn't lose any inches bummer but my total for one month is 25 POUNDS!!!!! SWEET! Remember how I said I went shopping at Goodwill and bought new work pants. Two pairs were 16 and the rest were 18. I wore one pair for the first time this week and I had to fold them over twice and they were still too big :) I felt like I was wearing pj pants instead of khakis.

This week has been a crazy one and unfortunately I didn't get to the gym at all! I know bad Eve no cookie not that I can have it lol. I hate confessing to Jennifer my nutrionist that I didn't exercise at all this week but later on today I meet with Chris's personal trainer and we are going to burn some fat guaranteed! I am looking forward to the workout and then again I'm not. It is hard to build exercise as a habit. Especially when your old habits used to be eatting a whole container of ice cream in one sitting. Or a bag of potatoe chips I blame it on lays hello you really can't just eat one!!!! No it's my fault and when you take responsibility for your mistakes it makes fixing them that much easier.

Well....that being said I will now get ready to go in for my weigh in I don't need luck just pray for me I pray every night for all my friends even the ones who don't believe. Love ya'll I may have another blog later today so stay tuned :)

Sixteen AGAIN!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!

No I'm not 16 years old I'm in a size 16 from a 22 wow what a difference too. All last week I was pulling a tugging on my work pants. I was having to fold them over because even my belt wouldn't keep them up. But I have to say I do feel a lot younger. I used to complain every day how horrible I felt and I just couldn't get feeling better. Let me tell ya when you feel bad your attitude stinks! I couldn't see God's blessing in my life because I just felt so horrible. Today I have cried but tears of joy for how awesome I am doing on this diet. My will power is strong because He gives me strength. So as you know my starting weight was 256 lbs today I weigh in at 234 lbs. 22 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In less than a month. If I keep this pace up I will meet my goal weight of 150 lbs by April!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO birthday cake!!!! :)

Of course one of the things I am concerned with is the holidays I mean hello FOOD is everywhere. Food I can't eat I should say. Because remember I can't have carbs, sugar, fat, or calories. Which means no dressing no deviled eggs unless I change the recipe. No yams, no squash, or dessert no bread no potatoes of any shape or kind. This is going to be difficult because I love Pumpkin and I can't have any. :/ Will power Chris says I should just make my own dinner and bring it with me. Because I can't risk accidently getting sugar. If I eat anything that isn't on my plan I will have to start all over from the beginning. I am in Ketosis and want to stay in Ketosis so my body uses it's fat as energy and burns all this extra off me. It's working I feel great and I want to continue to feel great.

I have to say that after this is all over and done with it I can't see going back to eating bread. I highly believe it was the cause of my issues. I craved it and all it did was make me feel worse. My skin has cleared up because I am not eating fried food. I bake everything or broil it with olive oil. I really think about everything I put into my body now. We all should. This is just the beginning of this diet and I won't be on this diet forever but I am learning which foods to pick. I am also learning which exercises are most benefical to me.

Every week Jennifer my nutritionist measures me too. I am down over 6 inches in my waist 2 this week a total of 1 inch in my arms. 3 inches in my thighs. Luckily my chest I haven't lost any inches I don't see my boobs going anywhere anytime soon. I call them the family curse but don't think for one second I am not working on making them smaller. I have been doing chest presses and working my arms and it shows. Truely I am amazed at the results and how fast they are coming. I realize soon I will go thru a plateau and that's why I have Jennifer she is my rock. Anytime I feel uncertain about anything or just need encouragement she is there. So to end this entry into my blog I want to thank everyone who has been an encouragement too me and as always to give God the glory. Love ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The wedding ring is a symbol of eternity!!!!

But mine keeps falling off!!!!!! I bet you didn't expect that lol :) It's been a crazy two weeks on my new diet and I am extremely happy to say it's working. I went to the Dr. on September 10th to go over my test results. I had gained back everything I had lost and then some. My old diet wasn't working and I am learning now why. First off let me tell you my weight was 256 lbs. High blood pressure fatigue and just plain sick and tired. I was circling the drain litterally.
Then on Thursday the same week I met Jennifer aka the fit devil. I just want you to know I lost it talking to her I poured my heart and soul out to this complete stranger but she got me. She started me on what only I can describe as the nightmare diet. YES I am on a diet and soon I will be off this diet. This system isn't forever it trains you how to eat better and not starve it is a four part system and I will include a link to their website so it can better explain how the process works.
Going backward to Monday the 10th I had talked with her on the phone and she emailed me a food diary she wanted to know what I had eaten in the last three days. So I knew exactly what I had eaten because I was still on the other diet. She told me on Thursday when I went to meet her that the diet I was on  I was eatting way too much sugar way too much carbs and way too much fat. I was undoing everything that I worked for in the gym. In our society we love too eat bread, pasta, cake, cookies, and drowned it with sodas full of sugar our poor pancreas is unable to keep up with all of it. We end up gaining weight and then diabetes kicks in along with high sodium and higher blood pressure. But in our society eatting these things is normal. I will stop preaching to you about the diet here's the link so it can better explain how the plan works and how much sense it makes. www.idealprotein.com
I am going on two weeks of no sugar no carbs no fat and no calories. I bet you're wondering then what the heck are you eatting. In the plan I get ideal protein it can be a shake or pudding or a cereal bar or cheese puffs or egg omelets or soup. There are several foods to choose from. I have to eat these for breakfast lunch have it for a snack and then eat a regular meal. There are tons of restrictions I can't have pasta or bread or potatoes or fruit or tomatoes or rice. It limits my choices but I am seeing the results and I am so happy with myself. I have stuck with it. Its rough working in the bakery and smelling fresh bread all day long. But my weight was checked today and I am now at 239!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 16 pounds in two weeks. My wedding band keeps falling off my finger I now have it on my middle finger. :)
Okay the downside to the diet was the first week was absolute hell!!!! Giving up all the things you love is rough I felt like I had the flu for the first few days then I started to feel better. I have a tiny set back this week with me being sick with a head cold but I can have chicken noodle soup but the noodles are made of soy protein. I can add vegetables to it just no carrots yep no carrots or onions. I am doing good and I plan on continuing to do good. Salads are my new best friend and finding salad dressing I can actually eat makes it more enjoyable. I have to find no sugar no fat no carbs dressing and I found it at Publix. I was excited to find BBQ sauce too so tonight we're having BBQ chicken and broccoli with parasan cheese and a salad. YUMMMM...... :) If any of you are interested in idealprotein contact Jennifer at www.thefitdevil.com she is an awesome lady and very supportive I couldn't have gotten this far without her!!! 150lbs here I come!!!!!!

Seeking the devil for help.

I know right now a lot of my friends from church are wondering what the heck I am thinking. Seeking the devil?!?!?!?!? Well she is a devil the fit devil to be exact. She is a personal training and nutritionist. I am sure at the beginning of this journey with her I will call her worse than just the devil as I get used to working out and losing this weight that wont budge.
  A lot has happened in the last three months first I still work at Walmart. I am still in the bakery but not doing cakes. Which is a load off of me I still get to go in and help out with cupcakes and stuff but the special orders someone else can fill those. I am finally back to getting eight hours of sleep instead of two if I am lucky :) Sleep makes me happy. I am on medication to make my body better use the insulin it is making. Not thrilled about that but praying after losing some of this weight I can stop taking it all together. Mainly because it makes my stomach upset. Of course I haven't lost any weight but I haven't gained any either so I have to look at this on the bright side or I will cry. I haven't met Jennifer the fit devil yet but I am very hopeful with her guidance i can look and feel like I should.She's the kick I need in the right direction. I kind of wish she was named something other thn the devil lol :)

Depression sucks big time.

A lot of things have been happening to me this past year one is I can't lose weight no matter what I do to myself I just can't lose it. I pushed myself very hard to do my first five k this spring. But I didn't run barely any of it I let my depression get in the way. It is ruining me I can't function as God intended me. I have been thinking very hard about taking a leave of absence from work. I took a leap of faith or more like dive into a new position doing something I truly enjoy doing which is making beautiful cakes and since taking the position I have been so stressed out I can't move. I get home and I am so tired I fall asleep on the couch. I can't sleep because there is so much work to do in that area I can't turn my brain off long enough to get rest.
 I have cried so much lately I am wondering if I will ever stop. Heck right now I am balling my eyes out asking God to help me in any way he can. I hear what he is trying to tell me. I heard it last night. I watched Extreme Make Overs Weight Lose Edition and I heard my story. But it wasn't me it was a lady my age named Jacqui but she was way bigger than I am. But she had the same self doubt and attitude that I do in this journey I am taking if I can't succeed than I am automatically a failure. It is something I suffer from it something that has hindered me all my life. This is why I never continued schooling. I can't escape it and it is destroying me and everything I want to do.(hold on I can't see to type) Ugh...I just want to kick myself in the pants for being so weak. I can't do this anymore I hate my job I hate my life and I know I am the only one who can fix this. So this Tuesday I will go to personnel and talk with them and explain to them I need time to heal. Heal spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  I can't keep doing this everything has got to change. I may go back to work but I doubt it. I have got to do this. I have got to get better. I want to be everything God wants me to be. I just can't see the forest for all the trees.