I'm like a shaken soda open at your own risk!

What a crazy few months it has been. Satan has been attacking me from all sides. First it started with me getting in a car wreck in my new car. Make matters worse it was my fault. I don't know what happened I blame it on my crazy work schedule. I was very tired that day. That cost me money I didn't have to get it fix and I am glad I did because I wouldn't have had a working a/c in my new car if I would have let it go. I hit the back end of the SUV in front me so hard the trailer hitch went straight through to my condenser. I tore it up good. Then in July I started having a dull ache in my gums on the side I had just had a root canal on. It quickly turned into the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I missed work and felt like total hell. Went to the dentist and he took X-rays and told me he needed to pull it. I asked him was it broken he said he couldn't see any breakage. I did not want to have a tooth pulled. I asked him if it could be saved he said to try the antibiotics and see if the infection cleared. It cleared after over a week of taking horse sized pills. I still have concerns about it but I can eat on it again but I only chew soft things. I should go back to the dentist and let him look at it. I just haven't gotten around to it yet. That's not all that Satan has thrown at us. My husbands step brother was at work had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. They did an MRI and found a large tumor on his frontal lube of his brain. He had surgery and it was a success but he can't get medical leave from his job because he hadn't worked there long enough. Every week we find out more bad news and then a miracle happens. So we trust God has this. His medicine which would have cost $13,000 a month is now costing $60.00. My sister in law is hard at work getting Christopher taken care of. Please say a prayer for them thank you. To say it has been crazy is an understatement. I just keep waiting and I know I shouldn't wait for something bad. I think my positive attitude is broken. I need to quit it too.

So Friday I went and had preop that was a barrel of fun NOT. First I talked with Dr. Ramie and found out what exactly he was going to do to me. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun that's for sure. First he is doing a d.n.c. But not a full one just for biopsy. Then he will be putting dye into my tubes to see if they're blocked and if they are he will unblock them. While in there if he see any endometrial lesions he will burn them off and if he see any cysts he will take them too. So basically I am getting a tune up. This entire week I haven't been able to take any Alieve for pain or aspirin. I always hurt after my workouts with Jennifer so I am having to be extra tough. I am not tough I am a weakling. I am my worst enemy right now. I have cried so much in the past two months I ruined my contacts. I have to wear my glasses because I can't see with my contacts. Worse yet I have to wait till next year to go to the eye doctor. This surgery is costing us a small fortune. I hope he finds my problem and fixes it and in the same breathe I hope he doesn't find anything. I am so worried and just want this chapter in my life to be over. I want my happy ending. I want babies to take care of. I want my OWN babies to take care of. I know there is tons of children out there that need a family. I just can't do it. I had a long talk with God about it and prayed on it for a long time. I just can't. I keep having dreams about what my children will look like. I see a girl with ringlets of ebony hair and the greenest eyes and her brother is totally opposite he has straight blonde hair with hazel eyes. I can't wait to meet them. I can't wait to be their mom and for Chris to be their dad. I wouldn't mind having them together or separate. At this point I just want them so bad. I have so many things I want to share with them. So many things. The surgery is Tuesday morning at 5am. I am not looking forward to getting up so early but it will be worth it I just know it. As my aunt told me today nothing worth having comes easily. How right she is. I am hoping that this will make it easier lots easier. Well off to bake a cake thank you again for reading my blog. I will try really hard to update after the surgery. But don't count on it I may just update my Facebook to let everyone know how I am doing. Thanks again for reading, praying and just being there you all mean the world to me.

writing from my cell phone

Lol this is hard to do. I just wanted to let everyone who follows me know I am not dead. So much has happened and not great things. Tonight I plan on filling you in on all the drama. This is a warning bring tissue and find a comfortable seat this blog is going to be long. Love you all read me tonight.