A lot of things have been happening to me this past year one is I can't lose weight no matter what I do to myself I just can't lose it. I pushed myself very hard to do my first five k this spring. But I didn't run barely any of it I let my depression get in the way. It is ruining me I can't function as God intended me. I have been thinking very hard about taking a leave of absence from work. I took a leap of faith or more like dive into a new position doing something I truly enjoy doing which is making beautiful cakes and since taking the position I have been so stressed out I can't move. I get home and I am so tired I fall asleep on the couch. I can't sleep because there is so much work to do in that area I can't turn my brain off long enough to get rest.
I have cried so much lately I am wondering if I will ever stop. Heck right now I am balling my eyes out asking God to help me in any way he can. I hear what he is trying to tell me. I heard it last night. I watched Extreme Make Overs Weight Lose Edition and I heard my story. But it wasn't me it was a lady my age named Jacqui but she was way bigger than I am. But she had the same self doubt and attitude that I do in this journey I am taking if I can't succeed than I am automatically a failure. It is something I suffer from it something that has hindered me all my life. This is why I never continued schooling. I can't escape it and it is destroying me and everything I want to do.(hold on I can't see to type) Ugh...I just want to kick myself in the pants for being so weak. I can't do this anymore I hate my job I hate my life and I know I am the only one who can fix this. So this Tuesday I will go to personnel and talk with them and explain to them I need time to heal. Heal spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I can't keep doing this everything has got to change. I may go back to work but I doubt it. I have got to do this. I have got to get better. I want to be everything God wants me to be. I just can't see the forest for all the trees.
