Information OVERLOAD!!!!!!

Knowledge is power but too much and it can actually be harmful. I don't know why but when I am stressed out about something I like to read of ways to fix it. I guess that's why I read my bible every day. I want to do what God wants me to do. I know that my over obsessing over my new found illness is not healthy. This last weekend I blew my diet out of the water and let my doubts take over my thinking. I read and re-read Web Md. and other sites about endometriosis. I know more about the sickness than I should. I even watched a you tube video of a Dr. removing the scaring from some poor woman's ovaries and junk. It was GROSS but I felt I needed to sit and watch this video for five minutes. Why? I don't know I guess it's my way of coping with all the stress I am under. It's funny too talking to people about my surgery. They are surprised I am having to wait so long to have my surgery when in my mind July 30th is just around the corner it really isn't. I have my worries one is always money. Money to pay for the surgery bills, work, blah blah blah. That's when I kick myself in the tail and tell myself to stop over-thinking all of it. I actually had a small panic attack after my visit with Dr. Ramie. It took me several hours to gather my wits to even try to write my blog. I sat in front of my lap top and just cried and let the tears flow. I can't say that it made me feel better. Actually I got a horrible headache because of it. Also I need to go to the eye dr. I have no more contacts to ruin and I hate wearing my glasses. So I sucked it up and sat down and pushed through my feelings of defeat. I know deep down that this is not the end of my journey I am getting answers they are just not the ones I signed up for. God knows what he wants for me I am just one hard headed child. At least that's what my Mom says.
On a different note last week I began a new beginning with my nutritionist Jennifer. I soon won't be on Ideal Protein. I am starting a new system and for the life of me I just forgot the name of it. But anyways it cost less and taste better has really good vitamins and is just as filling. I also started my training with Jennifer she has me doing all kinds of torture I mean exercises to firm me up. As I continue to lose weight I am getting kind of squishy in the middle. She is whipping me into shape. If anyone is interested in any of her classes she offers at her gym or is interested in weight loss or hiring her as a personal trainer you won't be sorry. She is one of the most awesome inspiring people I have ever met. She loves her job and it shows. She knows how to make you into the person you can only dream of. It is all a matter of if YOU WANT IT. Contact me on Facebook if you are serious about meeting her. Well I guess that just about sums up this update. I am going to stay away from Web MD. and not over think everything that I now know. Please continue to pray for me. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Have a wonderful week and stay tuned for the next update.

I have good news and bad news.

I wish I could say I am happy right now but actually I am very upset and I am trying really hard to understand why I have to go through so much to start my family. I try to think of my grandmother Wheeler and how she had tried for 14 years to conceive and finally at 32 my mother was born. I remember her telling me she didn't even know she was pregnant. She was visiting her mother in Bayou La Batre and her boobs were really hurting her. She knew her period would start soon but her breast were making her uncomfortable. So my great grandmother took her into the bedroom and told her to remove her shirt. That's when my great grandmother told my grandmother she was indeed pregnant and needed to see a Dr. when she got home to Panama City. Sure enough eight months later my mother was born. I keep remembering this story and it makes me sad because I miss my grandmother so much and it gives me hope at the same time. Okay sorry already I am crying and becoming an emotional wreck I blame it on my hormones aka my period. So lets recap what test have been ran.
In April I had the PCOS test ran it came up negative. WOO HOO this is good news and bad because PCOS is fixed with METFORMIN I am on this medication for my diabetes. So metformin isn't going to make me have children and fix my problem. Bummer :(
Friday I went to have my transvaginal ultrasound to see if all my parts are where they are supposed to be and if any growth is on my tubes. Unfortunately I misunderstood Dr. Ramie I thought he would be able to see if my tubes were blocked with the ultrasound the ultrasould can only see cyst or tumors. Well good news I don't have cyst or any tumors. Bad news I have what appears to be fluid around my uterus. Mind you I literally Friday morning woke up and started to spot. I knew my period would start very soon and on the ultrasound you could see the lining and everything and how full it was. I was like wow that's freaky. The tech was teaching a new student how to read the screen and I was of course a bundle of questions. She said I had a text book uterus and overies. All my parts are where they should be it was like looking at one of those posters they have hanging in the rooms while you wait.That made me feel a little bit better but seeing Dr. Ramie after he looked at my ultrasound didn't make me happy. I held it together when he told me he was sure it was endometriosis. I will indeed have surgery to remove it and he will scrap my tubes clear if they are blocked. The only way to know for sure if I have endometriosis is to have surgery it doesn't show up very well on ultrasounds. But he thinks I am in stage three by the issues I have had with my periods since I started puberty.  If I choose to not have surgery I might as well throw in the towel so to speak. If the eggs can't nest it's self it can't never get fertilized by the sperm so even if my tubes aren't blocked the endometriosis is making it to where my egg can't sit and get fertilized.  I imagine my eggs floating all over the place and Chris's sperm getting very tired and falling asleep. Crazy imagination I have but in fact that's what's going on.
I go in for surgery July 30th. I am scared but not because of the pain or recovery. I am scared because what if it isn't endometriosis what if there is nothing wrong with me what if.............boy I need to turn that switch off in my brain. That is the one part of being a woman that I can't stand. The what ifs. I know what I am need to do and I am going to do it. I have decided Chris and I will try after having the surgery to conceive naturally for a few months then I will talk to Dr. Ramie about IVF. This surgery is not a fix to my problem it is a small window of opportunity. This crap will come back as long as I am producing estrogen and having my periods I will have endometriosis.The surgery will be outpatient and laperscopic. So I should be back to work in about a week. I plan on taking some vacation time to heal up nicely since I have a very labor intensive job now. I really wish I would have stayed at the desk but live, learn and get over it :) I can't wait to start my family. Thank you for your prayers I could feel each of you there with me. This is just the beginning not the end and I need to remember that. I still have a long way too go. So until next time love you all!

I'm on pins and needles people!!!!!!!

This has been the longest month of my life. I had a wonderful visit with my Mom, Brother, and Niece. Then when I thought I was done visiting family more family came to town to visit. I got to see my cousins and my Aunt and Uncle from Ohio. Good times best visit EVER!!!! I also got to meet my brothers fiancé.  It also has been crazy at work lots of changes and none for the better. My stress level has been through the roof! Stress isn't good for anyone and with me it means my diet suffers. I won't lie I cheated and cheated some more. I am surprized by last weeks total because I have been in a plateau for so long. Soon I will be actually starting a new diet one that is much healthier and not low carb. I am always worried about starting something new. Which brings me to why I am on pins and needles. Friday I get to see Dr. Ramie again and talk about my PCOS and he will be doing a transvaginal ultrasound on me to check the shape of my cervix and if I have any scaring from endometriosis. The reason he wants to check the shape of my cervix is because if it is tilted to far sperm can't get to where they need to go. I am actually hoping it is my cervix and not endometriosis because one means surgery the other means turkey baster. Yup you read that right turkey baster. Sign me up! Hhehehehe okay sorry for the joke. Some got it others are scratching their heads and wondering if I have lost my mind. Well....maybe I have been up since 2 am. But really I need my prayer warriors to pray for answers and results and that Dr. Ramie can see my problem and easily fix it without surgery. The only surgery I want is a c-section when I have two beautiful twins :)

Since I have your attention I guess I could share my weird dream I had the other night. I dreamed I was having the ultrasound and due to when my period starts Dr. Ramie could see a fertilized egg developing. That dream had me so hopeful I actually looked up when an ultrasound can see a fertilized egg. I was shocked to find out that yes in fact you can see it at 3 weeks. Would it not be an absolute miracle if I was indeed pregnant when I go in on Friday. I would freak out! I mean it's possible Chris and I haven't not been trying if ya know what I mean ;-)  Well I guess I will wrap this up now. I am sure some thought I had will occur to me when I push the send button on my computer. It almost always happens. I thank you all for reading and supporting me with your love and well wishes. I am very grateful to have such wonderful godly women in my life. I love serving with you and being your friend. Thank you thank you thank you!

Second opinions are a blessing.

I know I know I am a little late with the great news. If you remember a blog or two ago I told you of a friend of mine who went to dr. Bullard and was put through the same things I was only to be told after much heart ache and money that she would have to see a specialist? She had an old birth control implant in her arm and dr. Bullard told her that it wasn't the reason she couldn't get pregnant. When in fact it was. The implant she had was recalled and when dr. Ramie removed it the tubes of birth control were still almost all full. She had enough medication in those tubes to last the rest of her life. She also had an ultrasound done and Dr. Ramie said she had a cyst on one of her tubes. She was supposed to have surgery to remove the cyst but decided to wait and see if she could get pregnant now with the implant removed from her arm. I have been praying for her. She didn't ask me but I knew she needed me too. She is saved but has been burned by the church she attended. She knows God loves her and believes in him but she doesn't attend church. Well she told me Friday that she is about two months pregnant. I can tell she is scared and that she is having morning sickness. I pray she gets to enjoy this pregnancy from here on out and that very soon I can change the name of my blog to eveispregnant.blogspot.com. I haven't found out yet everyone the results of my bloodwork for PCOS. On the 17th I go for my ultrasound to check the shape of my cervix and to take a good look at my tubes. Lots to do I can't wait to share with all of you. So the point of this blog is to say that not all Dr. are good at their jobs. Never feel like the first opinion is the only one you should go with. I did because she has always been my gyno. But not anymore. This is your body you only get one. So have a beautiful Sunday love you all.