Wow this is kind of fun!

I can't believe I am doing this let alone making a blog to record and share my journey.I guess I'll start with a bit of my history so here goes.

In April of 2001 I married my loving husband Chris. We had dated for about three years before finally tieing the knot. I can't say it was love at first sight I really thought that he was a complete dork. But I won't bore you with to much history.
In 2003 we decided to buy a house. With help from my Aunt Trish we found our first home in Callaway. Three bedrooms, two baths, and each other with three cats. Things were great I was working for Walmart and he was working as a plumber with the family business. Just like most married couples we became comfortable with each other and enjoyed going out to eat. I really can't say how large I was when we got married but I wasn't tiny in any way. When we were dateing I was 178lbs give or take. In a size 14-16. Married I quickly gained but so did he I picked on him and he would lose and I would find it for him and add it too mine.
In 2004 after lots of talking about it we decided to throw out the box of condoms and try for a family. I could tell Chris was afraid but I was even more.

 After the first year of trying to conceive I should have gone to my doctor to find out why we weren't having any luck. But I blamed it on us not having enough sex and thought it was just going to happen when it happened. For the first part of our marriage we weren't attending church like we should've and I started to think that God was punishing me for not going. I got farther from him in this time. We kept living life and gaining more weight and becoming more obsessed with having children. Everyones advice was oh just have fun, buy a car it will happen, plan a vacation on a cruise boat etc.....the list goes on and on. I became afraid to find out what was wrong with us. I blamed it on him and kept this up so much one night he left because he couldn't talk to me in the state I was in.

In 2005 Chris and my father in law had a falling out and Chris was let go. Things got bad quick and Chris decided to go to Tampa and work with his step brother. So I was alone in the house with just the cats and my dog. I was bored and when I get bored I tend to eat. But there wasn't anything in the house to eat. There was barely enough money to pay the utilties. So I went to bed without eating. I thought I would be hungry when I woke up the next morning but I wasn't. I bought one of those 88 cent meals for lunch and bought another for dinner. The first two weeks were brutal but I wasn't starving and my bills were getting paid. I started to lose weight something I had never tried before and I was good at it. I went from being 250 lbs to being 218lbs in just two months. But because of this my period started doing really weird stuff. Like not stopping I was freaking out because we didn't have the money for me to go to the doctors. But I couldn't not go. I didn't see my normal nurse practioner she was on vacation. I hadn't been to the gyno in forever so lots had changed for one I was married now. So after filling out all the paper work I finally got to go back. They did a pregnancy test on me and weight me. I was shocked to find out I had lost another 6lbs. I then got into the horrible paper gown and waited for the part I hate. I talk with the fill in lady about us trying to have a baby and she blew me off telling me I should lose some weight before conceiving. I wasn't taken seriously but I was so worried about stopping the bleeding. She put me on birth control for three months and told me this would help me get pregnant and even me back out. All it did was make me gain back everything. I didn't go back to the gyno until this year. Almost six years later.
Of course this time my problem was different for going to the gyno. I was almost two weeks late for my period and had been on time like clock work. I was super emotional too I thought I was pregnant and took a pregnancy test and it came up negative. I became a nervous wreck and finally decided something wasn't right and made the appointment. Again they gave me a pregnancy test and weighted me in and I broke down when asked what was wrong with me. I mean really lost it. I got to see my nurse practioner I knew and she was shocked to see me all grown up. I really enjoyed my exam and we talked about my problems getting pregant and she gave me paper work to get blood work done and a cup for my husband to do his test in. I wasted no time getting mine done. Chris wasn't as thrilled. Our first test for him we ended up going to the wrong place and had to throw it out. No suprize to find out nothing was wrong with him. My blood work came back that I hadn't ovulated, and nothing was wrong with my thyroid. I went back to the doctors and got to talk to the doctor not her nurses. She was kind and understanding but in so many words told me I was too fat. She told me I needed to lose weight that weight was the reason I was unable to get pregnant. See fat makes estrogen. Estrogen is a collection of female hormones that regulate the follipian tubes and all other functions of child bearing. Because I have too much fat my estrogen is extremely high like I'm in menopause high. So I go thru menses aka a period but no egg drops to be fertilized. I'm a vending machine that won't give you your salted peanuts. She put me on clomid which is a fertility drug that is supposed to help off set the estrogen so my brain will send the signal to release an egg. Hey I'm no doctor. She started me out on 50mg on day 5-9. I have to say this stuff sucks. I had all the side effects. I thought for sure the mess was working too. She had me chart my tempeture and fax it into her at the end of 26 days. The first round of clomid didn't work. I hadn't lost any weight either. Round two was 75mg it didn't work and I hadn't lost any of the weight she had asked me to lose. The only good thing that has come out of this mess is I now know how to read a tempeture chart to see if I have ovulated. This week I sent in my chart I knew I hadn't ovualated. I called the office back and talked with her nurse Elizabeth she informed me that I needed to lose the weight or I could try another doctor in Destin that prescribed the next level up of drugs. I felt like she had given up on me. I was crushed and this week I have thought a bunch about it. I asked God what I should do first and he opened my heart and I understand now what I need to do. I do need to lose this weight not just for me but for my future child. I need to have faith that God is making us wait because its not time yet. I plan on keeping my same doctor and in a year I'll be prepared to give clomid another shot. Heck who knows I may not need clomid in a year at least that's what I'm praying. So this my blog. Sorry I was so long winded in this first one. I will try to keep it updated weekly to let everyone know how I'm doing on my weight lose goal. But bye for now I gotta go and dance my butt off.