So this is how you SHHHHshhssssshhOOOOoooooPPPPpppp.???

I have so much right now on my brain it is just flooding in and out. So I am going to try to make as much sense as possible. Well first Easter went wonderfully so grateful for my church family and for the many lost that have now been found. Just an amazing Sunday and it's just going to get better! I had a great weigh in today as well down another six pounds. 3/4 an inch off my waist. I feel better and I am so thankful for that. But a lot has been on my mind these last few weeks. I had a lot of set backs where I didn't lose barely anything. I try to look at the good side I didn't gain in that time but I am really good at dwelling on things. I have set a goal for this month. I will be seeing my Mom is less than three weeks. I want to get to my 90% goal weight. I have 26 pounds to lose. Half that would be my 90% So 13 pounds is my goal in a little over two weeks. I know I can do it! I lost 6 this week I just got to stay focused and keep my eye on the prize. I want my Mom to be like OMG EVE!!!!!!!! Which everyone keeps telling me I am already at OMG EVE stage. I look back at my pictures that people took of me and I am like no way is that me? Yesterday at church in the countdown video it was cilps of volunteers and people from all over that have impacted the church. My husband was in the clips and then I saw a full body up close of me I was like OMG WHO TOOK THAT!!!! I was shocked at how big I was. I am still in shock at how small I am now. Let's just say that shopping has never been a favorite of mine and it still is a problem. I don't know how to shop for this little me. I still think I am in a 22 and that my butt is still to big to fit into regular sized clothes. I went to the mall last Saturday by myself and I went into the shops that I knew I went to JC Pennys didn't find anything cute then to Sears didn't find anything worth looking at. Then I went to Dillards and got price tag shock!!!! That's when I said enough is enough I give up! I went home self defeated. Monday the next week my friend Brittney wanted to see the movie Beautiful creatures with me and it just happened to already be in the dollar theater. So we met up and watch the movie and after she decided to shop. She knew I was looking for an Easter dress to wear and so was she. Now Brittney is a size 4 very tall and very beautiful woman. She is beautiful inside and out. But deep inside I knew I needed to follow her into these shops I had passed by the other day going to Sears, Dillards, and JCPenny's.  We started at a shop called Charlette Rouse. I was looking around but I was still shopping for big Eve not small Eve. I started to get deflated as I found very few XL. The ones I did find I took to the dressing room to try on. That's when I freaked out in the dressing room when of all places the dress was too BIG??!!?? My boobs area what the heck?!?!?!?! NO way so shyly I asked Brittney to bring me a Large. One of the dresses that I liked they only had it in a large so she grabbed it off the rack and brought it too me. It fit and I was excited again plus the shop we were at didn't have outrageous prices. I bought a cute Easter dress for $32.00! I found a new place to shop. My spirits were lifted again!!!! My weight loss couch wants to do a shopping trip with me when we reach my goal. I told her it is hard to shop when all your life there has only been two shops maybe three in town that have age approperate clothes to wear that don't cost a small fortune. It makes shopping a pain. I don't know how to shop. I told her I need an image couch now and she agreed. So this next week I am getting my hair done for my San Antonio trip to see my mom. I am hoping to get a bit of sun too I am one heck of a white girl. My legs are blindingly white. :)
But enough about clothes shopping now we have to talk about gyno shopping. I am sure you remember last month I explained how I need to find a new Dr. The closer I am to my goal the more nervous I am getting about this. I feel that if all this hard work I have been doing is in vain I am going to crash. I don't want to think like this but my weight loss isn't just for me it's for my baby. It upsets me and I am getting teary writing this. I fear that there might be something worse wrong with me. I try not to think about it and have faith that Dr. Bullard wasn't completely blowing smoke up my ass about my weight being my only issue. But there is that small chance she could've missed something. I keep what if what iffing. I need to cut it out. Talking to my aunt she told me I need to just go to my new Dr. and let them start over with the skinny Eve and everything Dr. Bullard ran be whatever not important. But then I think of all the money I wasted on all the tests and I don't want to run all those again. I am sure Chris isn't too fond of the plastic cup test and I am sure he won't be thrilled to have to do that all over again! I guess what I am trying to say is I am scared very scared and I shouldn't be. My fear is that being a mother will never happen for me. I know that I don't need to wait any longer to find my answers. I ain't getting any younger and with my birthday just days away my procrastination is not getting any better. Maybe I should just make the appointment already? Pull the bandaid off quickly get it over with so I can go about the rest of my life? What do you think?